Trying to remember the first consultation with the psychiatrist was difficult. Apparently, I have severe memory loss of that time. I had to think really hard to try to remember and my thoughts go everywhere because of my medication. It was bad enough that I had to completely rewrite the first version of this post as a large part about the psychiatric nurse that did the intake. In my memory, I had the first conversation with the psychiatrist. I had great difficulty writing this small paragraph below. I took about two weeks of staring at my laptop before some of the memories came back so I could write about it.
The first consultation was though. This talk was not with a psychiatrist but with a psychiatric nurse of the department. I had to tell my complete story again even though they received everything from the doctors. Every time I tell my story it remains difficult but it also helps to digest everything that happened. The nurse wrote everything down so the psychiatric team could diagnose me. Afterward, the treatment could start. Next to telling my story I also cried a lot (again). Lots of questions were asked about what happened and how I felt. Unfortunately/Luckily (?) I can’t remember details of what happened. In the end, I also had to answer questions on a computer. These were much more general about alcohol, drugs, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It all took about an hour but I was completely drained afterward. I couldn’t do much the rest of the day and also the days afterward I still felt how though this was for me. After each talk with the mental care support of the physician office I was also tired but now it was much worse.
On the one hand, it seems nice to not be able the remember the worst part of my severe depression (now almost a year ago) but there is a big downside. I don’t remember how bad I felt back then but I also don’t remember my little girl from that time. This last part is hard for me. She is so small for only a little period of time and I can hardly remember anything about it. Luckily, my boyfriend took lots and lots of pictures that I now can look at.
It took about two weeks between the first consultation and the diagnosis. I really had to recover from the consultation with the psychiatric nurse. I slept a lot and had severe headaches. By now my baby was also not doing well. We went to the hospital a lot (during this time I was in the hospital about once a week. Either for me or for my girl). My baby hips did not develop properly because of the breech position and the breech birth. She had hip dysplasia. You can read more about that here. Her setbacks were not good for my mental well being either.
Read more about the diagnosis and the plan.